Changes

The frequent changes of backgrounds around here are rather obvious. Now there is even a new title. Hopefully these latest changes will stay firm for awhile.

Change is something I do best. I've been known to appear in 3 or 4 different outfits before going somewhere. Mom jokes that if I go missing she won't remember what I finally decided to wear:) Change is something that seems to happen in my life a lot. Sometimes very lovely and well sometimes not. One minute things are wonderful and then boom life changes. I was acutely reminded of this detail as the sun set on the New Year. A dream shattered to pieces, leaving you so mangled that you wonder if you ever will be fixed. Nothing is impossible with God. Gently will He clean the wounds, ever so gently will He show you His greatness and love. Suddenly the changes won't be so hard to bear.

Change and more change but not enough cash change:) This is life.

Reflections

Another year about to end a new one soon to be born, the cycle of time is starting over again as it does every year on January 1st. Time for a new year, time for new memories and experiences. Time for joy and knowing myself many tears. How do I know that there is good chance the future is holding these things? Because they are part of life, each emotion and experience happens because God created us to live life to the fullest. As I look back on my life in the past year I feel I am testimony to the sovereignty of God. Come with me now as I reflect on this year's memories.

February 28, the last day in the month of love, my last day as a high school student. Life has never really felt the same since. Suddenly there are no assignments to finish or tests to study for. And very suddenly something that I did almost every day for the past 12 years is over. Leaving me feeling like I'm at a ball dressed in jeans, Strange and wonderful. Strange it did not feel to God.

Four hours of sleep and two thousand miles later my feet step onto Mexican soil. My dream of a mission’s trip is reality. Six blissful days were spent working hard along side fellow Mexican believers. Numerous blog posts could be written just from the lessons I learned. Many memories of laughter and fun fill my brain. I still hear "How Great Thou Art" being sung in Spanish by joyful native believers. Home in the United States the experience felt so surreal like a pleasant dream. However it really happened much to my surprise but little to God.

I had no make up on, my hair was greasy and I was doing my very best to make my eyes look wide and awake (very contrary to what they felt like). My first job interview, and suddenly before I know what was happening the job was mine. Thousands of kennels of wheat floated past my eyes every day as I performed the test for their moisture content. Each night I wondered how I could survive working at the local grain elevator. Listening to the less than proper farmers possessing little Mennonite blood talking as if they only knew how to pernouce four letter words. Yet God was faithful giving me the strength and endurance each day. Of course I knew that because of the sweetest lady He gave me to work a long side. By the end of the summer I could tell stories and laugh about my first job.

Plates and food were left abruptly sitting on the table. Supper was still in progress but mom and dad were gone. As I came in from my bike ride I knew immediately that something was wrong with Grandma. Flashing lights and sirens soon broke the stillness of the countryside. Grandma was taken to the hospital because of a broken Femur. Three long weeks later Grandma came home but assistance was greatly needed. Nurses scurry in out of the house almost daily from then on. And life changed again. God so very kindly taking time to teach one of His children little life lessons in the form of servant hood. Great is the faithfulness of our Lord!

I believe I could write until the New Year rings in. Simply telling of all the times I learned to trust God. Strength that I did not have yet was given to me. Tales of sadness laced with joy. Lessons taught yet easily forgotten. I feel so joyful as I remember every hardship and how much closer it brought me to God. Life was strange this year even stranger it will be in the coming New Year. Excitement rises with in me as I think about it. Yes the Lord I know will have many things to teach and show me. Simple is my job, just to live life, making memories, experiencing joy and pain. Always remembering the one who gave His life so I could live mine.

My Lover

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Just a few days before my favorite holiday I will be 18 for 6 months. Oh what a momentous 6 months it has been. Had I known the trials and growing pains I would have spiritually I might have been tempted to denounce my birthday. However I turned 18 and the rough times came. I'm so thankful to God that they did. I praise for His loving kindness in giving me those hard times.

I knew God loved me...
When I was overwhelmed and thought nothing would get done, God gave me the energy to press on.
When I struggled with a very deep emotional thing important to only me and He showed me it was important.
When He gave me a sister
When I had no physical strength and God gave me just what I needed.
When others saw my pain and showed they cared
When every night the sunset displayed His awesome glory
When I cried the tears of desperation felt utter hopelessness and doubted His love. God loved me.

Tough times are still coming my story isn't over yet. And God hasn't stopped loving me.

Expect Nothing from God

Nothing should be expected from the Lord. I was struck by that thought as I read the 1st chapter of James. Right there in verse seven it read, "For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord," James 1:7.

How often is that true in Christan life. I found myself expecting that the Lord should make this situation better. Fix it, dry my tears and show me a sign of His love. Why shouldn't He make the hard times go away? Trials and times of uncertionty is what the Lord speciaizes and fixing isn't?

Perhaps not, couldn't Jesus Christ called ten thousand angels to save Him on the cross. Our Lord didn't because He loves deeper than the ocean. God never stops loving us. His love is why trials are brought to our lives. When God brings us trials He is sending us a love letter. Saying "I can make you stronger through this". "People will see your love to me through you and I will be praised".

We protest though, we want to praise the Lord after the fact. Telling how good He was to repair our lives. God in His great show of affection loves us too much for that.

Favors cannot not be expected from God. His leading and love can be.