Dear Mom,
Today is your birthday and I'm not sure quite how old you are, maybe a good thing, eh?
Ironically today a video was also released giving the back story to the Yarnel Tragedy. I watched it and suddenly I was in the dead of winter I reliving the hot summer day I heard the news. Mom, I remember that Monday morning. Tears running down my checks as I stared at my facebook. Your hands touched my shoulders. You held me when I was miles and miles away from all my friends and there was no one else to mourn with.
You understood that it was hard. You understood that I ached. You understood why I didn't want to be where I was and I wanted to be with my friends.
Sometimes in our teenage years, we think that mother doesn't understand. We remember all those times that our mothers unintentionally hurt our feelings.
Mom I just want you to know that I remember all the good times too.
Laughing when I wanted to cry and felt horrible, but helping me see that life doesn't always have to be traumatic.
On the rare occasions that I was awake before the sun I saw you with your Bible at the kitchen table. My mother starting her day with God's Word.
Mom thanks for those little moments. You don't even know what you have done to shape my life. I don't even know.
Love,
Your daughter
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
A letter from the Aunt
My dear niece,
You turned 12 today. You are 4 months older than I was when you came into this world. I remember because if I had been 4 months older I could have scrubbed my hands for 3 minutes and then crept into the NICU to see you. As it was I had to wait till you got over your small problems and then finally I met you. And oh how I loved holding you. You were tiny and warm and I couldn't get enough of you. When you got a bit older people often confused us when they saw pictures of me when I was a small child.
You are 12 and I was almost 12 when you were born. Little did I know at that time how much my world was changing.
When you turn 12 there is no going back the teenage years are coming upon you and nothing will change stop the storm. I did just use the word storm, because it was a storm.
The year I turned 12 was right after 9-11, it was the year Martin Burnham died, and it was the year a man in our church died leaving 7 children fatherless.
Maybe if I had been younger those events would have slipped by with me hardly noticing, but no things were starting to happen in my brain and I wasn't sure what to do with the avalanche of emotions.
Terrified at the world around me.
Wondering if I was trying hard enough to be "that good Christan".
So much uncertainty and not enough trust in God.
I sound bleak, as if turning 12 means that there is going to be nothing but dark horribleness for the next few years of your life.
I don't want to sound as one announcing impending doom.
Approaching teenage hood has its pleasant and unpleasant moments, but each moment is necessary. Figuring out how to climb over the boulders is part of life and its all part of the timeline of your life.
And you know becoming a teenager is terrible exciting. More responsibilities and who doesn't like to be marked as responsible? Doing stuff with those big kids and finding your personality.
But can I tell you something?
I'm sorry for sounding like the wise old aunt, but what else am I for?
Worry less about, friendships, beauty, hurt feelings, but instead...
Trust God.
Know that God is Good.
Know that God is faithful.
Know that God has a plan.
Read your Bible, not because the other girls do but because you want to get know God better. And talk to God. Tell Him what you don't understand about life. Tell Him when its hard to put things into words for others to hear.
When you don't know whether to be happy, sad, or angry talk to God about it. And journal those thoughts, not the thoughts about other people, but all the times God teaches you something. Again a word from the old aunt, you won't regret it.
I'm so thrilled you are 12. You are more beautiful than day you were born. Already you have taken spiritual steps and I'm so excited to watch you grow in a young lady who loves the Lord. Enjoy the adventure is going to be a wild ride in a very wonderful kind of way.
Love,
Your Aunt Beth
P.S. some day when you turn 24 tell me all the things you have learned. I'm quite sure I will be able learn something from you.
You turned 12 today. You are 4 months older than I was when you came into this world. I remember because if I had been 4 months older I could have scrubbed my hands for 3 minutes and then crept into the NICU to see you. As it was I had to wait till you got over your small problems and then finally I met you. And oh how I loved holding you. You were tiny and warm and I couldn't get enough of you. When you got a bit older people often confused us when they saw pictures of me when I was a small child.
You are 12 and I was almost 12 when you were born. Little did I know at that time how much my world was changing.
When you turn 12 there is no going back the teenage years are coming upon you and nothing will change stop the storm. I did just use the word storm, because it was a storm.
The year I turned 12 was right after 9-11, it was the year Martin Burnham died, and it was the year a man in our church died leaving 7 children fatherless.
Maybe if I had been younger those events would have slipped by with me hardly noticing, but no things were starting to happen in my brain and I wasn't sure what to do with the avalanche of emotions.
Terrified at the world around me.
Wondering if I was trying hard enough to be "that good Christan".
So much uncertainty and not enough trust in God.
I sound bleak, as if turning 12 means that there is going to be nothing but dark horribleness for the next few years of your life.
I don't want to sound as one announcing impending doom.
Approaching teenage hood has its pleasant and unpleasant moments, but each moment is necessary. Figuring out how to climb over the boulders is part of life and its all part of the timeline of your life.
And you know becoming a teenager is terrible exciting. More responsibilities and who doesn't like to be marked as responsible? Doing stuff with those big kids and finding your personality.
But can I tell you something?
I'm sorry for sounding like the wise old aunt, but what else am I for?
Worry less about, friendships, beauty, hurt feelings, but instead...
Trust God.
Know that God is Good.
Know that God is faithful.
Know that God has a plan.
Read your Bible, not because the other girls do but because you want to get know God better. And talk to God. Tell Him what you don't understand about life. Tell Him when its hard to put things into words for others to hear.
When you don't know whether to be happy, sad, or angry talk to God about it. And journal those thoughts, not the thoughts about other people, but all the times God teaches you something. Again a word from the old aunt, you won't regret it.
I'm so thrilled you are 12. You are more beautiful than day you were born. Already you have taken spiritual steps and I'm so excited to watch you grow in a young lady who loves the Lord. Enjoy the adventure is going to be a wild ride in a very wonderful kind of way.
Love,
Your Aunt Beth
P.S. some day when you turn 24 tell me all the things you have learned. I'm quite sure I will be able learn something from you.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Firsts of the New Year
First Facebook status of the new year
the certainty of an all knowing God is a beautiful hope for the New Year
Singing the first song together as a church on the first Sunday of the year.
The first verses that hit me this New Year.
the certainty of an all knowing God is a beautiful hope for the New Year
Singing the first song together as a church on the first Sunday of the year.
Come, ye thirsty, come, and welcome,
God’s free bounty glorify;
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings you nigh.
God’s free bounty glorify;
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings you nigh.
Come, ye weary, heavy-laden,
Lost and ruined by the fall;
If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all.
Lost and ruined by the fall;
If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all.
I will arise and go to Jesus,
He will embrace me in His arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
Oh, there are ten thousand charms.
He will embrace me in His arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
Oh, there are ten thousand charms.
The first funeral of the year. A distant relative.
The first wedding of the year and I hope they are many more. it makes me happy to see my friends fall in love...despite all the teasing I might dish out to them :).
First blunder of the year, don't ask questions unless you want to cough up stories of all the times you've had embarrassing misfortunes :).
The first album I discovered that I want to listen too over and over again.
The first song I heard on the radio driving home after midnight... of which I don't remember :)
The first person I talked too in the New Year...she is a very good friend and we laughed while sipping hot beverages out of toxic plastic cups.
First picture of the New Year...
The first verses that hit me this New Year.
Job 19:25-27
“As for me, I know that my Redeemer lives,
And at the last He will take His stand on the earth.
“Even after my skin is destroyed,
Yet from my flesh I shall see God;
Whom I myself shall behold,
And whom my eyes will see and not another.
My heart faints within me!"
And at the last He will take His stand on the earth.
“Even after my skin is destroyed,
Yet from my flesh I shall see God;
Whom I myself shall behold,
And whom my eyes will see and not another.
My heart faints within me!"
Who knows what other firsts this year may hold. I don't want to spoil the surprise by knowing and I don't want to hurt before I have too. God knows and He knows the grace I will need and He will provide, because God knows all this New Year has so much hope. Yes I know the bleak news stories, but as I said God reigns and He will reign forever. In that my hope is found.
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