Oh the Weather Outside...

Hello this is your resident diarist. I shall tell you all what I'm am doing today in case you wanted to know.

12:30 am. Finally go to sleep. My ice block of a nose was keeping me awake. My poor nostrils were not adapting very well to the sudden weather change.

6:01 am. Wrap yourself in wool coat, hat, scarf, snow boots and charge out into the Siberia like weather. Oh there is something about having an adventure. Even if the adventure is only across the parking lot and the drifts barely touch your knees. Still I might as well have been scaling Mt. Everest for the thrill it gave me.

6:57 am. Serving breakfast late to the very starving guys who have been out tirelessly shoveling snow. I'm sure their valiant efforts will spare us all from getting lost in piles of snow.

11:41 am. Listening to Christmas music and pretending that today is Christmas Eve. There is cocoa to be drunk by the fire and white elephant gifts under the tree.

12:36 pm. Eating bowl of steaming chili for lunch. I used to loath chili, because one rather large pot would last our family several meals in one week. Usually mom would make chili once a week in the winter but never in the spring or supper, so we (and our bodies) could have a reprieve from chili. I love chili these days, especially my mom's chili. 

3:13 pm. Sipping black chia tea with a bit of milk and memorizing James. Snowy days were made for tea...well every day was made for tea in my opinion.

4:37 pm. The guys are grilling steaks for supper. Weather doesn't stop us from having a good meal.

Secretly I'm in love with this April blizzard. Its the tantalizing excitement of being brave enough to face the cold. Also there is the firm hope that by next week this snow will be nothing, but a dim memory and we will be running barefoot in the mud puddles.

We are thankful. The snow is wet and we hope every bit of this freezing messiness will mean less fires this summer.


Yours Truely,
A girl with a very cold nose that is beginning to rival Rudolph's.

In which I write about Grief

I wrote this several weeks ago after returning from a whirlwind trip to see my grandma laying in a casket. It was a rough few days but the Lord took me through it. So many right now are on the road of grief and they can't see the end. They need our prayers. 

Life has been a roller coaster. Days of waking up and wondering what is going to happen. Days of preparing for news of death and then suddenly hearing the exact opposite news. Life has been a maze of crazy ups and downs for the last few weeks.

You prepare for the worst news and then you hear that everything is fine and suddenly the emotions that had been racing in your heart stop.

Its exhausting. Wondering and waiting. Never sure what the day is going to hold. Waking up every single morning expecting to get a phone call delivering a death notice.

You jump everyone time the phone rings, because your phone doesn't receive many calls and they are usually only ones of bad news. 

Knowing that your mother is far away trying to wade through the mired of logistics of trying to care for her dying mother. Wanting to be there yourself and do something. Wishing you could say the last "see you later" to your grandma.

A few weeks ago, my grandma who had been aging ever so slowly over the last few years suddenly began to weaken rapidly. She was 93. She was ready to meet her Lord. Nothing was holding her back. She had told me for years all she wanted to do was die peacefully in her sleep.

Grandma was strong. The nurses said they had never seen anything like it. One day she would be hovering at death's door and then in the next moment she would be eating her favorite chocolate ice cream.

The roller coaster ran around the track faster. We hung on for the ride tight. Uncertain of the future. Finding it so difficult to make plans, but knowing God had it all planned out. The ride became crazier and crazier. Suddenly it was over and the event had happened.

 Rides never come to a peaceful end. So many things to do, people to see and so little time and now its over. Life has to start again, but when life has been so jolted there is no way to jump right in as if nothing ever happened.

Life runs in a circle around you and your trying to find the place to jump in, but you can't find your way. Maybe thats how its supposed to be? Did not God create emotion?

"Jesus Wept"

Did He not give us tears so we would cry them?

Did He not give us His son so we could cry with hope?

Its a blessing really to feel pain and joy in the moment. Life for me right now is not terrible, but sometimes you have to stop and think. You have to stop pushing it out of your mind and reflect upon what has happened. And you have to preach to yourself the truth of God. You cannot let your thoughts rest in the terribleness but in the hope of Christ.

All this to say that emotions right now are threatening to overwhelm me and so is the grace of God. 

Life and Death

 Play the music for an extra touch.

On this Friday morning I have the ringer on my phone turned oh high. I'm checking my e-mail every  3 1/2 minutes. Give or take 20 seconds.

I'm waiting for the news that my niece has been born safely into this world.

Waiting for the news of new life. Life that begun 9 months ago in the womb. Life that will now breath the air of this world. Life that was kept safe inside its mother and will now feel the closeness of her mother's chest.

Beautiful new life will start today.

4 weeks ago I had the ringer on my phone turned on high. I checked my e-mail too often. I was waiting for the news of death.

My grandma was breathing her last. She had come into the world 94 years ago. She was a girl and then a young woman whom my grandpa fell in love with. She was a mother and then a grandmother. She was a friend, not just a friend, but a kindred spirit. She lived every bit of life she could and the time had come for the door to open and for her to be released from this world.

Grandma breathed her last that Friday Morning.

Today a baby will take its first breath.

The circle of life. The going out and the coming in. Life ends for some and then it begins for others.

Life will most often end pain just as it starts in pain. Strangely the ending and the beginning of life each have their own beauty. Life created by God and now being taken home by God. Life being started by God and will also be cared for by God.

Life is Beautiful.  Hold on to the moments tight. You never know when the last one will be.

Not so Bad Days

Well it was one of "those" days. I had been cooking for quite awhile when I realized that I was wearing my apron backwards, but maybe that was a good idea anyway since the front was decorated with particles of food.

The can opener and I had a disagreement and the can opener beat me to a pulp. A pulp of frustration and near tears.

Efficiently I buttered all my bread, so it would be ready for the 40 grilled cheese sandwiches I would make. Then there was a bit of imbalance of the pan and gravity took control and all of my slices of bread fell on the floor.

Nothing really went right besides the fact homemade chicken noodle soup was greatly enjoyed, but even that failed because I didn't make enough.

I really wanted to whine and grip about my apparent failures in the kitchen.

Then I get on Facebook and read statuses.

The mother who has just buried her 30 year old son. She is traveling on the long hard road of grief. Life is getting through each moment at a time and clinging to God's grace.

I read about the baby whose body was born into this world, but its life into the arms of Jesus. A mama who will heal from the birth physically, but emotionally will ache for her baby for days and days to come.

Another mother writes about the horrific emotional pain of watching her baby struggle for each breath as sickness over takes its lungs. The hour is of dark suffering and there is not much this mama can do.

These women don't have grilled cheese sandwiches and rebellious can openers on their minds. Life is getting through each moment. Wondering through a maze of grief and heart wrenching pain. Trying to live normal life, but not even sure what normal is anymore.

Sometimes life throws me what I think is an extraordinarily terrible day. I wonder though how many days are really all that horrible compared to the lives of so many hurting people? It doesn't take long before my moments of frustration seem very very small.

 Those "bad days" are needed though, because I need to learn grace. I need to learn how to respond to life with a smile.

And I need to learn to think about other people and not my own woes. And I simply need to remember that God's grace and strength is never not sufficient for each day.

 Maybe God is teaching me lessons in the little things, but He does not want me to forget those walking through the fire.

God's grace is sufficient for us all in whatever journey God is having us walk. And so in the strength of the Lord we press on to the victory.

Aprils Fools

Today is April 1st and if you don't know what also is today then you may want to watch out because you are pretty much a sitting duck just waiting for people to prank you.

I could write and tell you all about the amazing dude in my life and see how many of you would actually believe I'm madly in love.

FYI I'm not in love with anyone, but it does make me laugh how many of my friends suddenly go into a facebook relationship on April 1st.

Just for the sake of having a good time I'm going to give you some random facts about myself and those of you who graciously take the time to read my rambling can take a guess if I'm trying to fool your or not.

Prizes too! Well let me explain if you lived close I would bake you  some brownies. Which in the spirit of the day of jokes may or may not be tainted with uh lets just say some very effective cleansing medicines.

1. I'm a coffee drinking girl. I love the feel of the warm mug in my hands and the smell that wafts up to my nose. I love the fact that will give me a physiological boost to my day. Please  don't give me my coffee without cream and sugar or I'll turn up my nose to it.

2. Somewhere in a pile of papers that is somewhere in a chest filled with random objects  I have a letter handwritten letter from the president and CEO of Family Life Today. Just ask my mom I'm hooked on Family life. In High school I planned my whole school morning so could have a break during FL Today. I don't listen when they are talking about how to put more romance in your marriage or any other topics that I could do without, because that would just be awkward. A

3. As a child my dream job was working in the ER. I could just see myself racing around saving people's lives. Putting in IV's like it was as easy as tying your shoes. Comforting people and even giving blood right there on the spot if I had too.

4. My dream vocation would be a warm sandy beach and just laying there reading a good book all day long. With glasses of unlimited raspberry iced tea of course.  And I would like it if all of my friends could come and we could have a bonfire on the beach.

So is the baby me or my niece? Hint I have a "weird family".

5. One day when I was walking through wal-mart I was in a great haste so I decided to take a shortcut through the men's department. I was running as quickly as my non athletic self could manage and ran right smake into a boy of my own age. That was embarrssment number one. The second embarrssment was that he was carrying a glass jar of spegatie sauce that launched out of his hands  which of course broke on the floor and splattered everywhere. Not my fineist moment. I've avoided the mens section ever since.

6. Before going to bed as a child I would enjoy a bedtime snack of carrots and celery. I still do for that matter. Healthy food as always been the best. Though I never of course passed up the opportunity to have ice cream before bed when I stayed at grandma's.

7. I would hoard my candy from the holidays and would still be nibbling on my stash from Valentine's day during the summer. Mostly I would sell my candy to my dad who believed buying candy was cheaper then the dentist bill.

8. When I woke up from getting my wisdom teeth pulled I was in a very good mood and I was singing some of my favorite tunes. You will have to ask my mom exactly what I was singing, but lets just say it songs about falling in love. Reportedly, though I have no recollection of this, I tried to get up and dance with the nurse, but thankfully my dignity was saved and I passed out cold.
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So tell me...which ones do you think I am fooling you on or possibly did I tell you the truth on every single one?

I SLAP FLOOR. Props if you know what that means :)