This week wasn't quite what I expected, wanted, and never would have begged for.
Aches, and fever and laying on the couch for days. It's not my idea of a good time.
As a child I could watch movies and shows for hours when I was sick. Now as an adult it seems my brain begs for silence more than the entertainment. I watch the cooking shows and other random stuff but I'm thankful for a good book, rest, and just the quiet.
The days seem to stretch and the nights seem even longer. The unending hours of nothing to do to rest can't be glamorized. Because I want to be back at my job. Because I want to be up and working around the house. Because I don't want to be canceling a get together with friends.
I usually covet a afternoon to just read and be quiet, but this week there was too many hours in a row to just be quiet.
I fought it and begged the thermometer to read a lower number, but still I was sick.
It sounds awful except it really isn't. I was sick for three days and one night. Today I know my health is seeping back in my veins. Its awful to be sick, but not so awful as battling sickness every day of your life. Not so awful as chronic illness, cancer, and other life altering problems. It was just a virus that has altered my life for 5 days not for years.
So being sick, its a good thing. I did enjoy reading more, because I love reading and it was fun to catch some shows.
Perhaps the best thing was to know, that my plans are not my own. When plans are taken away I can still know its the right thing. Because I have to remember to never get so caught up in the moments of life that I forget the privilege of the ability to do and to be. To realize that an extra rest is a gift and not to let the idea of rest be stolen by attitude of grumbling, but enjoy what God has given.
Today it is so good to be well, but yesterday it was good to be sick for that was what yesterday was supposed to be. And being is not that terrible because in the security of God its the most amazing place to be.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Friday, May 22, 2015
Dear Sister, who is teaching me to rise.
Dear Becki,
When I was just shy of 10 years old I first met you and I though you were the most wonderful thing ever. So I was thrilled when less than a year later when mom let me on the secret that my big brother was going to propose to you that day.
You came into our family just as I as on the threshold of traumatic teen years. You were the sweet big sister letting me on the fun and quietly mentoring me with your life.
A few months ago you and my brother dropped everything to have, dinner so we could have a visit, because sometimes a little sister just needs someone to tell them its all going to be okay.
You taught me how to rise, and that it was all going to turn out and to hold on for the ride.
Several times this year you and my brother as a team would rise to the occasion to help me out as I figured out stuff in life.
And that day when suddenly you were flat on your back from a spinal cord injury. You were still rising up. Rising up to cling to God's grace and faithfulness.
Its not been an easy journey, but the journey has been an honest one.
Thank you for rising up not hiding behind a veil but showing us all that this is what grace is when your climbing the rocks.
Today your going to rise up and come home to your family after a several week hospital stay. I'm so thrilled for you, but also praying as you make this transition.
Your keeping on rising, and I'm so grateful for this.
Love you,
Bethanne
The rest of the story is on Becki's Caring Bridge page.
When I was just shy of 10 years old I first met you and I though you were the most wonderful thing ever. So I was thrilled when less than a year later when mom let me on the secret that my big brother was going to propose to you that day.
You came into our family just as I as on the threshold of traumatic teen years. You were the sweet big sister letting me on the fun and quietly mentoring me with your life.
A few months ago you and my brother dropped everything to have, dinner so we could have a visit, because sometimes a little sister just needs someone to tell them its all going to be okay.
You taught me how to rise, and that it was all going to turn out and to hold on for the ride.
Several times this year you and my brother as a team would rise to the occasion to help me out as I figured out stuff in life.
And that day when suddenly you were flat on your back from a spinal cord injury. You were still rising up. Rising up to cling to God's grace and faithfulness.
Its not been an easy journey, but the journey has been an honest one.
Thank you for rising up not hiding behind a veil but showing us all that this is what grace is when your climbing the rocks.
Today your going to rise up and come home to your family after a several week hospital stay. I'm so thrilled for you, but also praying as you make this transition.
Your keeping on rising, and I'm so grateful for this.
Love you,
Bethanne
The rest of the story is on Becki's Caring Bridge page.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
#batchelorsbefore30
High school, in the words of my friend is "a cakewalk". To all you who graduated today and got your diplomas I apologize for the offensive statement, but in a few years you will quote me word word for word.
High school was hard for me, really, really excruciating. Which is why I wasn't thrilled about more education. I really wasn't overjoyed at the thought of having to put myself in the realm of near failure all over again.
But I did of my own choice and I succeeded. One week after getting that diploma I'm still living on the high of actually earning a college diploma.
Its an amazing thrill that brings this silly grin to my face every time I think about it. Because when your well into your 20's, way past the age of the average college graduate, there is nothing more satisfying than having a college degree.
Because all those years before school, during school, between school, and during school again you are your own driving force.
You are the one choosing to spend the money you worked so hard for on a degree that you don't even know is going to do anything for you.
You are the one choosing to write MLA style research papers when you would rather be blogging about some random hysterical moment at work.
You are the one choosing the stress to earn a degree that holds so much hope, but no promise.
You are the one choosing to do homework in your kitchen after you have worked all day and will get up early tomorrow to go to work.
You are the one choosing to spend your time on homework instead jumping into a ministry you love.
You are the one choosing to be in this season.
No one made me. People encouraged me but in the end it was my choice. A choice I questioned myself about many times. Was it so worth it to get that degree. After all its just a piece of paper and I wasn't really sure it was my ticket to anything.
When that flash of a moment happened and I was handed my degree a tsunami of emotion hit me that I wasn't prepared for. I finished something, something that was hard and something that I did not have to do, but I did it.
It was a journey, a journey where I gained so many precious friends, and collected a plethora of memories. A journey were a I learned many valuable things. A journey were I grew in myself both outside and inside the classroom.
Friends and memories from this journey are the precious souvenirs I will keep forever. I'm thankful that in my life toolbox are the core classes from my major which have changed the way I think and are still changing me.
But the classes I loathed so. The classes I got the lowest grades in. The classes that sometimes drove me to tears. The classes that made my neck ache with stress.
Those are the classes that might have changed me the most. The classes that made the journey grueling and made me question why I was on the journey. These classes that taught me to be determined and persevere.
Because I didn't have to go on this journey, but if I didn't I would have missed out on the spectacular moments and people. The people who are still in my life. The frustration and joys of the college years knit us close and the relationships can't be ripped apart now.
The sweet things of this journey I want to never forget, but the hard things I want to keep branded onto the walls of my memory. Remembering the scorching pain of the brand is what made reaching the destination so fantastically amazing. Its true what they say, the hardest things do bring this is the most joy.
I really don't know what my life would be like if I would have skipped out on college, but this I do know.
If I hadn't gone to college I would have missed out on knowing that I could do something I never thought possible.
It was worth it.
High school was hard for me, really, really excruciating. Which is why I wasn't thrilled about more education. I really wasn't overjoyed at the thought of having to put myself in the realm of near failure all over again.
But I did of my own choice and I succeeded. One week after getting that diploma I'm still living on the high of actually earning a college diploma.
Its an amazing thrill that brings this silly grin to my face every time I think about it. Because when your well into your 20's, way past the age of the average college graduate, there is nothing more satisfying than having a college degree.
Because all those years before school, during school, between school, and during school again you are your own driving force.
You are the one choosing to spend the money you worked so hard for on a degree that you don't even know is going to do anything for you.
You are the one choosing to write MLA style research papers when you would rather be blogging about some random hysterical moment at work.
You are the one choosing the stress to earn a degree that holds so much hope, but no promise.
You are the one choosing to do homework in your kitchen after you have worked all day and will get up early tomorrow to go to work.
You are the one choosing to spend your time on homework instead jumping into a ministry you love.
You are the one choosing to be in this season.
No one made me. People encouraged me but in the end it was my choice. A choice I questioned myself about many times. Was it so worth it to get that degree. After all its just a piece of paper and I wasn't really sure it was my ticket to anything.
When that flash of a moment happened and I was handed my degree a tsunami of emotion hit me that I wasn't prepared for. I finished something, something that was hard and something that I did not have to do, but I did it.
It was a journey, a journey where I gained so many precious friends, and collected a plethora of memories. A journey were a I learned many valuable things. A journey were I grew in myself both outside and inside the classroom.
Friends and memories from this journey are the precious souvenirs I will keep forever. I'm thankful that in my life toolbox are the core classes from my major which have changed the way I think and are still changing me.
But the classes I loathed so. The classes I got the lowest grades in. The classes that sometimes drove me to tears. The classes that made my neck ache with stress.
Those are the classes that might have changed me the most. The classes that made the journey grueling and made me question why I was on the journey. These classes that taught me to be determined and persevere.
Because I didn't have to go on this journey, but if I didn't I would have missed out on the spectacular moments and people. The people who are still in my life. The frustration and joys of the college years knit us close and the relationships can't be ripped apart now.
The sweet things of this journey I want to never forget, but the hard things I want to keep branded onto the walls of my memory. Remembering the scorching pain of the brand is what made reaching the destination so fantastically amazing. Its true what they say, the hardest things do bring this is the most joy.
I really don't know what my life would be like if I would have skipped out on college, but this I do know.
If I hadn't gone to college I would have missed out on knowing that I could do something I never thought possible.
It was worth it.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Tomorrow
Tomorrow, I would wear scrubs. And this to me was the most amazing and exciting thought. Tomorrow I was going to go from playing nurse to training as a nurse's aid.
Its such a little thing, but I'm the little girl who dreamed of having a job that would make people feel better. I lovingly tended my siblings and my eyes have stayed glued to the goriest of medical reality shows. Something in me always wanted to be a nurse.
I'm not a believer in chasing dreams, which I know is completely cynical. I believe that sometimes you need to take a step back and look at what is best for the season and time and sometimes that is not getting what you dreamed.
And sometimes its even better than the dream and sometimes its much harder, but it doesn't mean you don't learn and grow stronger through it.
For me though, I have gotten a surprise.
When tomorrow came, I put on scrubs and I was no longer a child dreaming, but I was grown up learning.
This was the thrill of the unexpected joy of tomorrow.
Its such a little thing, but I'm the little girl who dreamed of having a job that would make people feel better. I lovingly tended my siblings and my eyes have stayed glued to the goriest of medical reality shows. Something in me always wanted to be a nurse.
I'm not a believer in chasing dreams, which I know is completely cynical. I believe that sometimes you need to take a step back and look at what is best for the season and time and sometimes that is not getting what you dreamed.
And sometimes its even better than the dream and sometimes its much harder, but it doesn't mean you don't learn and grow stronger through it.
For me though, I have gotten a surprise.
When tomorrow came, I put on scrubs and I was no longer a child dreaming, but I was grown up learning.
This was the thrill of the unexpected joy of tomorrow.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Weekend Hashtags
And just for the fun of it here are the hashtags of my day.#thisisdifferent
Today I felt butter and flour between my fingers as it transformed into crumbly shortbread which will hopefully make some coworkers have a happy Monday morning. #thedayafterpiday
One week ago I was laughing very hard at one in the morning and trying hard to not wake up our gracious hosts. #cousinsmakemyday
Completely pondering this quote tonight "there are many versions of love, but I don't want a version I just want love". #callthemidwife
Fall is my favorite season, but I love it when color comes back to the world. #ohhappyspring
I could spend my days walking up and down the streets and never get enough of spring. #blisters
If you need me find me at the local coffee shop, its my new office. #willthehomeworkeverend
Feeling lots nostalgia and missing my cheerful fun loving grandma but wouldn't wish her back. #gladyourhome
Somewhere over the Rainbow is on repeat in my head. #makesmesmile
Bedtime is close and the dishes aren't done, but the blueberry pie bars just came out of the oven. #bedtimesnack
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