The Words we should say.

I'm so tired.

Discouraged.

Struggling to have a good attitude about...

Christan fellowship.

Sigh...

Sometimes I wonder about my tendency to be such a deep thinker. About the longings and cravings for deep conversation.

Wanting conversation to go beyond comparing how good our weeks are. I'm sick and tired that seem so shallow you barely get your toes wet.

Still I never start anything deeper. When its been established that we both had "good weeks" or maybe they were crazy weeks but we laugh it off,  and say that it was okay. Was it okay?

Then I comment about the weather. Sometimes most embarrassedly I must admit I will talk about the weather to 7 different people. Blush...

I'm the one tired of conversation never going anywhere, but I'm the one quickly hoping on the merry go round of "safe conversation". The conversations where its easy to hide the struggles and the needs for spiritual encouragement.

"therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing" 

Paul commended the Thessalonian for their constant building up of one another. I wonder if he would give me the same "gold star" for encouraging those around me.

I am the one with stuttering words and sometimes feeling awkward when I open up my month and say something other then "well look its raining again".

A sweet friend called me this week. In the 10 minute conversation she blurted out her struggle and I spilled my confession.

We both promised to pray. When we remember to do so because we have trouble doing that sometimes.

When the cell service cut me off. I felt as if I had dropped out of the zone of thin air and into the world where air easily available to breath.

I typed words into instant chat that went far deeper than the silly jesting that can be so fun to do and admitted something.

Frustration cannot define my life when I'm not willing to be the one to say anything different .

I wonder if we were designed to look past the outward crust. Ignoring what we see and going straight to the heart. Ignoring my preconceived notions...judgments.

Its not fair. Not fair to the person to assume something they have not had a chance to prove otherwise.

Not fair to myself when I miss out on a conversation that could teach me far more than I ever could ever expect.

And it doesn't take much. Just words. The williness to edify. The willingness to love those I talk too. The willingness to let my words  to bear the aroma of Christ. Not the flavor of my seemingly weeks.

"edify one another"

Oh my why does it come so hard? Praise the Lord for His grace that gives me words to speak.

By His grace alone may I be able to to have a conversation that strives for something deep.