Just a piece of my day.

Coffee with ice cubs floating in my cup is sitting on the table ready for me to drink it away. Because I am one of those people who loves their coffee cold. Recently I’ve decided that the blacker the iced coffee the better. Hold the sugar and chocolate it gives me nothing but a headache and the need to buy new trousers to accommodate my ever growing lower half. Ahem. 

When I look out the window I see the old brick buildings that decorate our town, but I wish I was seeing sandstone glistening in the sun, so tall and erect. (oh town I miss you)

 People are coming out of the doughnut shop across the street at an alarming rate. Maybe I crave ice cream like its going out of style, but never do I crave doughnuts and would rather eat greasy fried mozzarella sticks 

than greasy fried bread.

Call me miss ridiculous and you won’t be telling a falsehood.

Random bits of conversation are floating around me. Words of intensity and then some words of light heartiness and then some words of just really nothing in particular value, but it certainly of course makes a person feel better to say them. 

                I’m sitting in my favorite coffee shop at the table right next to the stage where they will have live music tonight. My distracted personality is having a hard time focusing on my own tasks rather then just observing the activity around me.

I’ve come here to write, because that is what all the vogue writers do you know.  Probably to be really in style I should have brought a typewriter since vintage is such the fad these days, but umm a typewriter doesn’t work very well for blogging. For obvious reasons.

Since the subject of writing has come up I should apologize for not writing. My absence is inexcusable and at the same time unexplainable.  My journal also has been sadly neglected and well I suppose these last few weeks have been a season of not writing. Nothing really terrible is going on that I could blame but maybe its just the all the change of life that makes not write.

All this to say that I miss writing like Oreo cookies miss their milk and I do hope you won’t find me not writing so much any time soon.

Like anything in this life you have to be intentional to write. Time with friends,  to do lists, and writing is all left undone when your not intentional. 

Maybe its time for me to do less face book stalking and more texting and messaging to see how people really are. Time for a bit less pinteresting and more writing down pieces of my life.

Sitting in this coffee shop has been balm to my soul to remind me to stop and look around at life instead of always looking at the computer. Strangely there is a life outside of the computer. You just have to find it.

If you will excuse me I think I will go and do more looking and less hiding. Even though hiding from life seems to be the convenient and easy thing to do, but looking without fail will always bring adventure.

Tell me about those adventures you have. No adventure is too small to proclaim adventure.

5 minutes of life

It's not 5 minute Friday, but 5 minutes is all I have to write this post.

I need to clean up my mess in the kitchen. Coconut, green yogurt smoothie is currently decorating the kitchen. Ahem. I need to do a thousand other things, but I can't remember  what so I suppose I don't really have to do them.

Life has been starting a new job and then another new job and tomorrow another new job. Did you know you could have 3 different jobs and still be working for the same company? Very handy eh?

I've been thinking of so much I want to write down, but then at the same time I'm not really sure how to say it. One day very soon when I'm not working hours and hours on end and running from one department to the next I'm going to go to a coffee shop.

 Because of course words just ooze from your brain when you write in a coffee shop.


This morning our very brand new pastor preached a stellar sermon on his first Sunday. He ended with these verses. (or at least I think it was this verse it might have been another)

 

Revelation 5:12 

¹² saying with a loud voice,

“Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing.”

 

And so this week as I work and spend time with my aunt, and just live life with those around me may my actions in no way bring glory to myself, but may God be glorified in me. Maybe I won't do it all right, but will God's grace be seen in me?

 

Oh dear let stop writing before and epistle comes out.

This thing called confidence

I haven't clocked in for a job in over two years. Don't call me lazy. I've been working... oh have I worked, but no where with a ruthless time clock and happily no where that requires drug testing.

Expenses loom in the back of my mind and so for two months I hunted for a job. In a whirl of confusion one afternoon I had not one job but two jobs.

Suddenly I remembered just how terrifying it is to start a new job.

Walking on a tight rope seems to be more calming then starting a new job. Fearful of making the slightest mistake that could surely lead to your end. Wondering what those new coworkers are thinking of you. Nervous of the rolled eyes behind your back of not doing the simplest  of things right.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm remembering my big brother. The one who taught me public skills like a ninja. The one whose claim to fame is international public speaking. The one who is passionate about endeavoring people to succeed in this life. The one who ever since I was little didn't do things for me, but pushed me to do what I would not do.

He says.

Act confident. Show the face of confidence you don't have and focus on your task.

So I straighten my back and pretend that I've been doing this for years.

I still don't know what I'm doing, but I stop thinking about the fear and start thinking about the job. Just like that I found the key and let myself out of the prison of fear.

My co workers and I laugh together. We banter back and forth and I realize their people too. Not monsters with beady eyes ready to pounce on any mistake.

Confidence I discover is not a feeling, but an action. Acting on how you do not feel and yes being courageous even though you feel nothing like a super hero from Hollywood. Super hero's tend where odd articles of clothing anyway.

I'm going to get this job. Maybe not the first week, but I'm going to try. I'll ask the stupid questions rather then making the stupid mistake.

However I'm still wondering if this new job may require a better antiperspirant because it may be awhile before the nervous sweats stop.

Tonadoes and life

I crack jokes about tornadoes. Bragging about how tornado watching is almost like the state sport. Cameras in hand we stare at the skies capturing spectacular clouds instead of cowering in our basements.

 Disclaimer in event of an actual tornado most people are in their basements. Especially with the sky is clothed in a dangerous black and you can't see what is coming upon you.

Really though most of the time tornado watches seems like rain in Seattle. Just another tornado watch. You go on with your day and unplug the computer when the lightening starts to strike.

I used to have nightmares about tornadoes. I was scared to death of the funnel clouds that could do such vile damage.

Countless tornado watches and warnings. One time sent to the basement and we only stayed for a few minutes.

Nope I have never felt the wrath of a tornado. Sometimes the weather has been so ripe yet nothing happened. Sometimes the sun shone while just a few miles away people's homes were shredded.


 While I sip a mocha with a friend children scream on the floor of a cold bathroom and the deafening roar of the twister comes upon them. I cuddle a baby on my lap and somewhere faraway the screams are stopped forever.

And then as I sit in the local hair salon somebody checks the news on their smart phone. The school. The elementary school was hit. Pulling children out. Dead or alive we don't know.

I shiver from more then the overly zealous AC.

Homes are destroyed, but all the people care about is that their family is alive and well. Later they worry about the fact that their very personal things are strewn all over the town. For now their children are safe and nothing else matters.

Those people know something I do not. They know what it is to have nothing, but yet have the most important things in all the world.

And so it makes me wonder what really are my important priorities today?

I think people and love need to move higher up on the list...

May Highlights

I have a craving. A yearning within me. A strong desire in me to write something. Oh there have been lots of words in my head, but there hasn't been the time or place to write them down.

Now I'm here at the computer with my favorite Pandora station playing in the background. All around my brain swirls words and I have no idea how to put the mumble jumble into a readable blog post.

Honestly for the first time in such a long time I can actually think to write. May is half over and I feel I have barely stopped to enjoy the loveliness of my favorite month of the year.

So far in this month I have ...

said goodbye.

Although I prefer to say that I said see you later to friends and places that have entranced my life this past few years. No the leaving was not a pleasant sight. Reality is still setting in that I have been transplanted back into community I was transplanted out of years ago. I'm having to learn to live without the piece of my heart that I left in the town of my higher learning.

 

I have meant two of my blog stalkers.

 I do believe you know who you are and I fully expect you now to speak up and say something :). Jokes aside, it was a blessing to meet two beautiful young ladies who I knew little about, but they knew lots about me since I seem to be very good about dishing out all the gritty details of my life on this blog. Ahem. Meeting you girls was very pleasurable and your sweet spirits made my day.

Had 3 job interviews

and no for all of you were going to ask I still don't know where I'm working. Instead feel free to ask my about my view on guacamole.

Had my plans swept out from under me.

The story is long, but I was planning my summer around one opportunity. Now the opportunity is gone and those weeks are currently empty. God knows. I'm thankful I never bought that plane ticket that would have caused me so much hassle. I'm thankful I'm not left gasping for air, but well under the control of a sovereign God who knows my summer better than I.

 

Spent some wonderful time with my nieces and nephews.

The days weren't long enough, because I wanted to here more cute sayings like "sometimes I have good ideas, but then I forget them". I wanted somebody to cuddle on my lap longer and beg for more stories. There were never enough hours in the night to talk away life and all its details. I wanted to help feed more goats and chickens and I just wanted to be with those people a little while longer. Family is a gift that isn't meant to kept tucked away in a back closet.

 

Had some quality time with airports.

Oh how I love them. I watch the travelers as they rush by with their luggage that is just small enough to be considered a carry on items. Everyone has a story. The Navy sailor in his white uniform carrying a duffel bag who probably just said goodbye to someone who loved him very much. The families trying to juggle little babies and overstuffed backpacks. Ladies in very professional looking clothes and high heels that seem so very impractical for walking. And this list goes on and on.

 

All this happened in such a short time and I didn't even write down half the story, but perhaps that was  a good thing. As for now the dirty kitchen calls me. Have I mentioned its wonderful to clean your very own kitchen ?

 

 Aww pure bliss.