Perfect Grace

I will never understand grace perfectly. 

I admitted this to myself. I had fought so hard the battle of performing for everyone I knew. I fought so hard to 

 perform for God.

I thought to myself I must understand grace better. I need to stop performing. I need to understand grace perfectly.

Suddenly my striving to understand grace became a performance issue just like everything else in my life.

I felt so guilty. Of course I wasn’t supposed to act like this. God didn’t want me to work for approval from him. He does not want me to work for approval from others.

God does not want us to think any less of his love and goodness because we do not understand grace.

Some days I try so hard and shun God’s love. God’s love I decide is reserved for the days when I have it all together.   

When I’m the good Christian girl…I’ll find you a chapter and verse for that little theory sometime, probably in the book of “Beth”.

Those days where “everything is all together” become fewer and fewer. Sliding down deeper into a cave where the daylight grows dim  and the darkness of works wraps around you. I pull the escape door of God’s love and grace shut with my own doing.

 Grace and love are after all for those who have at least done one thing to be worthy of such things is the lie that haunts me.

Sins creep in and its easier to do them without thinking. They pile up and add to the tremendous guilt of not being able to do anything right.

I’ve tried to hide in my cave of gloom, but God know the place of desperation  and reaches in with his love and grace.

Filthy and wretched sinner overtaken by the love of a perfect  God.

Understand grace one little bit at a time. Your not going to arrive over night. All God ever desires is for us to trust in His grace for every single little moment of our lives. Even those moments where I haven’t done one single thing to be worthy of God’s grace

Not done one thing to be worthy of grace. Interesting paradox eh? God’s grace does not require perfection to understand it.

Otherwise I, the unfaithful prodigal sinner, would not be here writing these words.

Because of His glorious grace I live each day. Each day I do things wrong I should do right, but in the end the its God's grace who takes the shambles and makes them glisten .  

Today God's grace is going to be ever abundant. How can I not want to serve this God who is so good to me?