...of dreams

I've only been back at college a week and since this is my 6th semester of college I should think I'm really quite good at this college thing. Oh I wish. The past 3 nights I have dreamed. Disturbing dreams of things going all wrong and yes its all related to college.

The first night I dreamed I was getting ready for our college formal. Somehow though my hair had literally developed into a cloud of frizzes that would put any fro to shame. To add to all this mess my dress had a multitude of wrinkles and there was no time to iron it. Don't ask me why I dreamed these things. I never have been that worried about getting ready for banquet, but apparently maybe I should be.

Night number two my dream was that some girls are very late for curfew. You think this should be of no problem to me, but since I am the RA it was a very big problem and I the person who hates confrontation had to sit down and talk with the delinquent about their actions.  The next day I felt like hadn't slept well for some odd reason.

Just for your information we don't really have problem of little rebellious students running around campus breaking rules. Further more for your information our school does not have a rule book the size Britannica Encyclopedia. Since I know you are wondering if I have broken rules... yes I have...Sometimes by special permission sometimes not....

Now here we are of my dream of just the other night. Being a senior has privileges and one of those is selecting a menu and preparing those items on the menu for the school to enjoy. It's no secret that I love cooking, so I wasn't really too worried about this feat. In my dream I found myself trying to prepare all this food with very little time and yes nothing was getting done in time. Again I never worry about cooking, so I why I had this dreadful nightmare I know not.


Would you believe if I told you I dreamed about school last night again? I think I have been at school far too long. I'm almost scared to sleep now.

I'm probably going to dream that all my clothes are in the wash and I have to go class in my pj's.

I might dream that all the girls form a uprising against their RA and hold me hostage in the bathroom.Or maybe I will be trying to lead dorm meeting and I will start sneezing uncontrollably. Perhaps it could be that I will be giving my senior testimony in front of the whole school and I will get the hiccups.

maybe I should just stop sleeping or maybe I should hope I have more dreams so I can entertain you all with blog posts.

...see you later break

The week before Christmas break seemed the longest week ever. Tests and projects seemed so much harder with the giddy anticipation of break hovering over my head.

 Done. 12 hours later. home. at last.

3 weeks. over. just like that.

I'm afraid there wasn't enough time in the break. Not time enough to play with my nieces and nephews. Only a few hours with my brothers. Just a few Sunday's at church to talk to everyone and no not everyone got talked too.

Break was blissful. Sleeping in and afternoon naps. Going shopping and yes even though I like shopping I can only handle it in small doses. Let's just put this way I think I over dosed on shopping.

 I could drink coffee because I wanted to and not because I had to stay awake. Mother let me stay happy in the kitchen merrily cooking to my heart's content. I listened too hours and hours of Pandora, because at school it's almost impossible to listen to Internet radio. I got to hear some of the best speakers on the radio and I didn't have to sit still and take notes.

If you think break was a 3 week long stretch of wonderfulness. Well it wasn't.

The night before Christmas Eve I went to bed wondering when mom and dad would be back from the ER with grandma. One week later I was at a funeral. For my grandma's cousin. Wednesday the
e-mail's started coming. A little boy from our church in the hospital. Tests...lots of tests being run and then one short e-mail.

Urgent prayer: diagnoses of Leukemia.

That evening I hugged his big sister and wished I didn't have to leave my church family.

Tonight is my last night without a curfew. Not that it really matters because I don't have anywhere to go.

This is probably one of the last nights without stress. No I don't really stress a lot, but a college student is always stressed even when they don't know it.

This is the last time my blog will get updated after 10 pm. Bye bye endless Internet.

Break will be sorely missed, but I don't really want to miss my last semester and all it will entail.  I can't even imagine the adventures God has in store, but I know there will be many. And oh those people who know me so well. I'm glad they will put up with me for a few more months, cause I can't wait to see them.

See you later break. Hello adventure!

...never look back

Thinking about if only you had done something different. Not said those words. If you had actually done something instead of just standing by. Would not life had been better if I turned from my distasteful ways sooner.  There are too many memories I shudder at and wish they would go away. If only I could change things and not have done the damage.

New Years day seems to be always one of compilation. The Sunday sermon delivered could not have been more timely or needed. Just two verses out of Philippians chapter 3, but oh so much power. The main truth?

Never look back.


Paul didn't look back, but if anyone did he had a good excuse too.

Paul one of the greatest New Testament believers. Before that... a man who persecuted and killed innocent people for their faith. Did he sometimes here the children's screams because he had murdered their parents? Were the looks of pain and fear edged into his mind? Could he vividly still hear the rocks pounding upon Steven while Paul stood by and held the coats of the stone throwers?

All those memories would have been enough to put anyone into a state of dark depression unable to function, because of the very guilt that dripped from their lives. Paul could have let that happen, but then where would have been his ministry?

Nonexistent

Paul lived under the grace of God knowing He was free in Christ. Today as believers we see Paul's writing inspired to him by the Holy Spirit as some of the most powerful doctrinal truth's ever written. Paul was probably one of the greatest influences on the struggling New Testament churches. All because he didn't look back, but instead focused on his present ministry.

Tempting is it to look back and cover ourselves in guilt. When we are looking back at our regrets how many times do we miss something in our present ministry?

Don't look back only remember that God has worked in His grace and our job is to do the ministry set before us.

 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,
(Philippians 3:12-13 ESV)

...another year

It's here. another year. fresh hope. expectation. uncertainty. adventure.

When you really think about it starting a new year has a certain air about it. There is the wonder of a fresh start. The new resolve to do all the things you had planned of course to do 3 new years a go.

I feel satisfied too that I made it through a another year. As if I had been plowing through a swamp of quicksand that had been threatening to engulf me at any moment.

Maybe that was a bit dramatic, but well you know one day the world feels if it can't go on and the next day you wonder why everyone doesn't have a sunny disposition like yourself. Ahem.

I should know better but I do have expectations for this new year. Is it too much to expect that in every situation I will see God faithful? Can I expect of myself to always remember that God is good no matter what may befall me. Will I stop and take in those moments of God's goodness that could otherwise go unnoticed in a blink of an eye.

I think I'm going give myself a word of the year.

STOP

Because I know what reality is. How easy it is get caught up in the important business of noticing your own faults and other's shortcomings. There are so many things to intend in life that of course there shouldn't be time to just stop and look around and see God just doing His usual business of being faithful.

I think it would be a sorry thing to be once again starting a new year again next year and realize I'm just the same. Perhaps my other word of the year should be go. Follow God in His process of conforming me without stopping.

Are you going to stop and remember God's faithfulness while even at the same time you are moving forward?

...this is Christmas

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I've been making lots of messes in the kitchen this week because that's what I like to do best. Baking and Christmas go together like Coffee and 1st hour.

 I've gone caroling not once but twice. On the first occasion the neighbors were rather startled to find young ladies clothed in 1800's clothing singing Christmas tunes on their porch.

There has been lots of shopping done as well and it seems all the store clerks feel obligated to ask such questions as which I high school I'm going too. Ahem, never mind that I've been graduated for several years.

Cheesy Christmas movies have been playing too and they make us laugh, but never make us cry as they are intended to do.

I got to go to a family gathering and it was lovely to see my cousins. Strange too, because now the traditional program has less of piano pieces and more of sharing of the lost loved ones. Two uncles, one aunt, and our grandma.

Tonight none of my brothers will be here to fulfill Christmas Eve traditions. They are married with their own families, so now it is time to be spontaneous and plan new exciting traditions. Like watching It's a Wonderful Life with my two very lively aunts. I think it should be a delightful evening.
In the midst of all of this holiday business there has been added stress. Grandma fell 4 times this week and the last fall put in her the ER at 11:00 at night. We are thankful that Grandma is resting comfortably with no broken bones in her care home. Just a few doors away from grandma her cousin lies in a bed hardly aware of the surroundings around her. The daughters keep watch by the bed and we wonder if grandma's cousin will truly be home for Christmas.

Maybe Christmas this year has had some unplanned things. Christmas though is not about what happens or doesn't happen. It's about what we are stopping to remember the start of life on earth that would eventually be given to save our own lives. Remember this instead of remembering that your Christmas shopping still isn't done and you have forgotten to make the ridiculously traditional pluma moos.

 "who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross".

(Philippians 2:6-8 ESV)

And that's why Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year.