.so Unexpectedly

I didn't expect to start crying during chapel, but when it was announced that there was nothing more cancer treatments could do for the wife of one our of teachers the tears just fell.

They fell like all the times last fall when I sat down to check my e-mail and saw the words aunt, terminal cancer.

The tears feel when I saw those family pictures of my cousins taken at Thanksgiving time and before Christmas time the dad was dead with cancer.

I cry because I think of the loved ones standing close to a hospital bed set up in a living room watching their husband, father breath their last. I cry because of the one's who stand helplessly by as their loved one goes in enormous pain.

Unexpectedly I start crying in church because I am so thankful for the wonderful hope of Eternal life. Thankful for a God who never stops being faithful...a God who is always faithful.

So I cry sometimes and without shame because the God of all comfort knows why those tears fall. He knows better than human the pain of those tears.

Unexpectedly I sometimes cry, but comfort and faithfulness of God is always expected.

In Which I Make Myself Appear Stupid

I am a high school graduate and quite possibly soon to be a college graduate. This should make some what intelligent...oh I wish.

All the teacher wanted to know was which road sign was the shape of a rectangle. I could have had the boys answer the question, but how was I supposed to know I would have such a difficulty answering the question. Yes I am the person that was the only one of my siblings to pass my driver's test on the first try...I'm afraid I brightly told the teacher that a yield sign was in the shape of a rectangle. Immediately I knew I should have said speed limit sign, but it was too late and the damage was not to be undone.

Suddenly one of those moment where you feel like everyone's perception of has suddenly turned you into a major ditz of a blond. A nervous giggle escaped my throat, but no one else laughed probably because they felt bad for me at my utter stupidity.

To my defense I know what speed limit signs are and I have yet to be pulled over for speeding

Somehow after such moments of brain silliness a person manages to go one with their day. Trust me I have lots of practice at doing so:)

...so Undeserving

I have a dad. A very good one I think, but sometimes I feel very guilty because I have a dad.

When I was very little I remember mom holding me very close and telling me 7 children were fatherless. In an instant a man from our church was with His Savior. I’ll never forget the tears of children so close to my age mourning their father. The little ones who don’t remember their dad now and boys who grew into men without their father.

I remember that long year where the children of missionary hostages Martin and Gracia Burnham celebrated every birthday and holiday without their parents. When the year was over their mom came home, but the children celebrate every birthday now without their dad.

Just the other week my cousin got married. Her little brother walked her down the aisle and at the front burned a candle in memory of her father. My uncle gave his blessed on the marriage before he died only months earlier. The marriage was heartily supported by her father, but he was not there to walk his daughter down the aisle, nor will my uncle be there when his other two daughters wed.

Some of the children in the youth group don’t have a dad or maybe the man their mom is marrying is the one they are supposed to call dad. To them dad is the man they visit on the weekends or it’s the man who they were told was once their dad, but now will have nothing to do with them.

My dad is the one who holds me close and tells me how good it is to have me home. It’s my dad who takes me out to eat just because. Dad is the one who sees his business as not just a occupation but a ministry. Dad always has fought hard to raise us kids to the best he could for the Lord. House cleaning may not be dad’s first choice but pretty often he can be found doing some vacuuming. I was taught by dad how to drive the old farm truck across the fields and than how to drive boat of a car down the interstate at speeds that were well quite exceeding…

I do not why I have blessed with such a gem of a father. It could be tempting at times to disagree on a issue, maybe ignore the needed advice, but it would be a awful crime. Should I really complain about things so little when I have so much?

I am so grateful today I can wish my dad a Happy Birthday…a man who has taught me so much about life. I don't deserve it, but I can be grateful.

Our family a few hours after dad officially was father to 6 children...yes the baby is me.

Remember

There are the days when the frustrations heap upon you. I wonder why I never do anything right. Why am I not pleasing this person. How do other people view me?

I find myself in tears over the fact that I have failed...epically. All those wonderful ideas and hopes I had for myself...and none of them carried out. It all seemed so simple..yet I am frustrated cause I'm not the person I hoped to be. Instead I am the person for whom some things don't go right and the wrong things come out of my mouth.

I forgot.

That the grace of God covers everything and I mean everything.

Because of Christ's death I am seen completely righteous despite all of my imperfections.

And well the next time I try to do something...I might as well stop and know I can't do it by myself, but in God's strength anything is possible.

You make me smile...

So I have a bad habit of bloging when I should be writing a paper, but somehow the words just come more easily when I blog. Maybe then I should turn my paper into a 2,000 word blog post on the intricate details of Isiah. I know you really would to read something that would take hours to read:)

Honestly the reason I am writing this is that I would like to dedicate this post to a couple of people. Two people who were seniors my freshmen year and they happened to live in a trailer and well I managed to haunt them with my presence often.

I won't mention any names, but I think you know who you are and if you don't well...

the reason this post is dedicated to you is these words...

And the moments when my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun...

I haven't seen these people in a very long time, but well when I standing in the shampoo aisle in Wal-Mart and this song comes on I never fail to crack a little grin. And I remember all the times the homework never got done and the smiles that just couldn't stop.

I don't usually don't dedicate blog posts to people but this time I just couldn't help myself.